Like a flower petal blooming

The most literal part of teacher training is learning the scripted dialogue for the 26 asana series. Which doesn’t sound all that taxing but that its fifty some odd pages of text and it must be learned verbatim.
Now, add to that numerous typos and the awkward phrasings inherent when writing something in English-as-a-second- language, and you’ve got a task on your hands. You’d think you’d have license to correct the mistakes.
Right?
Not at all.
If it says “raise your arm over one other” then you have to say “raise your arm over one other”…even though you know, KNOW, that its supposed to be “raise your arms over one another.”
See how that works?

I feel, personally, like I could do it more successfully if allowed to use an Indian accent….but I don’t think that would be well received.

Its inexplicable to me why they’d prefer to have hundreds of trainees, season after season, memorize grammatical disasters rather than just do a spell check of the dialogue and xerox some new copies…but the only way to survive this is to ban all thoughts like that from your brain. Those thoughts will only bring grief into your life here. And there is no time for grief with 49 pages of broken English still waiting to be stored in your long term memory.

Once again, the Japanese are wiping the floor with the Western hemisphere students. First of all, they start at the disadvantage of non-fluency and therefore work harder. Second of all, they don’t get hung up on gross misspellings or illogical phrases…because, to them, it all looks the same.
“take full lung, breath hold.”
“I here the bikram love, want transforming”
The world is a very different place when viewed through eyes that don’t seek out prepositions or pronouns.

To top it off, Bikram just plain likes them better. Its true. The guy loves the Japanese. Loves them. He's giddy when one walks up and takes the microphone. Its such untainted adoration that you can’t even begrudge the Asian continent its good fortune…..you can only envy it from afar. Truth be told, we’re all guilty of over loving those petite little things with the freakishly flexible spines….they’re precious. They carry neon back packs and wear mini skirts to posture clinic. They giggle a lot.

This week was our first stab at delivering one page of fully memorized dialogue.
For the most part we collectively sucked. With few exceptions, we were all awkward and wierd and trying way too hard. Almost everyone fell into one of four groups:

1. THE ROBOTS—characterized by glassy eyes and monotone voices. They stare off into space as though trying to conjure a mental image of the page, and once they manifest that vision, they read it in the most pedantic possible way. The trick to doing this right is to visualize, while speaking, the color grey.

2. THE FAST AND FURIOUS. Respiratory miracles, they say the words at the speed of light, inhaling no oxygen in the process. They are the impulsive kid who stupidly decided to streak naked across the football field on game night—and by the time he realizes what a horrible mistake he’s made, he’s already undressed and there’s no turning back. A decidedly “let’s get this the hell over with” feeling permeates the performance. The whole thing is a blur.

3. THE PERSONALITIES These kids tend to walk up and, before beginning the recitation, throw in something to signify that they have !!personality!! One will start with a “good morning gang!!!”... Another will look at the clock, notice the late hour and improvise some version of, “Welcome to our MIDNIGHT yoga class guys!” Wink Wink. Ha Ha. Get it? Midnight yoga? That's just nuts!!!
Their dialogue is laced with the sort of edgy happiness that generally preceeds short stays at psychiatric hospitals. This group scares me the most. Not as teachers. As people.

4. THE JAPANESE.

I can’t say which group I fall into—I want to say group 4—but I’m pretty sure I was a 2. If I was a 3 I’m going to kill myself, so I’m avoiding asking for any opinions yet. I may well hear I was a 3 if I inquire around. I need to feel good about myself right now and sometimes that means not seeking out the truth.